Clothes #52essays2017 Week 17

Today was great.  I bought new clothes that were smaller than I'm used to buying.  I tried on shirts I couldn't close before and can now close comfortably, and fitted jeans I could or would never wear. See, people my size didn't wear fitted anything.
Going shopping has always been a depressing thing for me to do.  To look for cute clothes they never made in your size.  Feeling taunted by racks and racks of clothes that were all the stylish rage but you could never fit into. The myriads of clothing marked your size but definitely run smaller than average not only wasting your time in trying them on but dealing a back handed sinister stab to your emotions. Marked XXL but really a medium large. 
There were moments in a dressing room I stared in horror as the shirt i just tried on did not lay on my thick built body but instead clung to mounds and dimples I tried hard to ignore.  It willingly punted me to every problem area I avoided. If i stood still enough and listened i could feel the clothes laughing at me.  They carried the mirth of the manufactures who must have owned this moment.  My own private humiliation.  Tears have often streamed down my face as I looked at myself in these intimate private moments.  I would never be stylish, I would never be cute..i couldn't get the clothes I want I instead had to settle on whatever could close and button around my rotund frame.
Frustrated,defeated and annoyed as I would leave clothing stores.. wanting nothing more than to head to the food court for a will placed taco bell meal or Auntie Anne pretzel.. fuck it I can't fit these clothes anyway.  Might as will eat the goddamn carb laden food available and accept my date as the frumpy fat die with the cute face.
This day though, this day was different.. I got jeans i liked and they fit.  Clothes I was going to throw away that didn't fit me last summer I was able to keep.  This is new, this feels good.  While I don't feel remarkably attractive by any means it felt nice for once in my 34 years of shopping to actually feel positive about clothes shopping.. feeling stylish or dare I say Cute.