Old skin

I come and I go and I have been adorning a coat sewn with PRIDE, and worn with GRACE. The style is CONFIDENCE, the material is HAPPINESS. Its just a coat, a garment that can be cast aside, and it is.
I enter my home, hung up is my coat and I slip into an old shirt of INADEQUACY, a depressing piece of material. Holey, flawed, dingy with experiences, stained with residual heartache. This shirt is comfortable, its too familiar. I know I should throw it away and probably put on my coat again, but I cant. This old shirt fits me all too well, its like stepping into old worn familiar skin. The shirt and skin Ive known for so long. I got it sometime during childhood. It was washed only in the water of my tears, it bears my scent my essence.
Why is it so hard for me to let this go or take this garment off? Why is it still safely tucked away into my closet or in my drawer? Why does it still have such a place in my life?
Is it because it reminds me of days past? Being a child and not knowing why I was crying? Inconsolable? Happy running and climbing trees with the boys, reading comics just to go home and retreat to the corner of my room or hidden under the covers listening to the sounds of Music the only thing I understood, understand. The only thing that helped sooth me when I felt this way....
Now I am doing the very thing I love and still underneath my Glorious coat I still seem to wear the same old shirt, not yet ready or confident to be truly naked...

Sleep?

You think I sleep? Well that's none way of putting it....
When my eyes shut and my consciousness slips, I am traveling across worlds going on a midnight rendezvous.
You think I wake up with a dry mouth from sleeping with my mouth open, nah.... I have travelled the desserts to find my people. I have found a village of ebony sun kissed people, regal and royal in their different shapes and sizes, wise in their different ages, beautiful in their different but brilliant dark shades. I danced by the bon fires wearing ceremonial masks, I danced ancient dances of my people. Dances which held a purpose, giving up control letting spirit move you, ripple through you like a rock thrown into a pond.
I am singing and calling on the names of several different ancestors and spirits who come to my aid and dance along side me.
You think I am rotating in my bed to get comfortable? Nah.... I am swaying to the rhythm of drums. Rotating, spinning fiercely in a circle, my view caught up in a dizzy haze.... My head is thrown back I am laughing both hands on my hips shoulders moving in time with my hips.
You think I am grumpy because I have restless sleep? Nah, I'm still tired form astral traveling to he land of the ancestors. I'm grumpy because I had to stop my revelries and return to this material place that feels so odd to me, after having been in a place that felt too familiar.

Ye Ye O Oshun

So this day is the day that Orisha and Saint Oshun is revered in worship in some households, exclusively. Yesterday I wrote about Yemaya the sister of Ochun. Yemaya represents toe Ocean, the wide and vast sea. Ochun on the other hand represents Rivers, Streams, Springs, waterfalls and any sweet water that is flowing. I write this for her....

According to Yoruba elders, Oshun is the cosmological force of water, moisture and attraction. Oshun is the force of HARMONY, ecstasy, and love.

When I see a parent hold a child, looking into their eyes and feeling that deep connection and attraction. This is Ochun.

When two lovers in their throws of passion feel this under current of magnetism connecting them in body, as well as in spirit, This is Ochun.

When a delicate seed is attracted to moisture or dew drops and slowly but steadily roots and breaks its husk and reaching for the sun it is so connected too, this is Ochun.

The joyous feeling that comes over us once we have accomplished something so laboring. The laughter of a child, innocent and as light as a bubbling brook, the bees buzzing from flower to flower, the appreciation one feels when the warm Spring break Winters gloom and the scent of fragrant flowers and the joy it brings us. This is Ochun.

After tearful situations, and deep depressions at your lowest point.... When you stop and just breath and listen and you hear in the stillness the sound of something fluid, something moving. You find a well of strength. The sweetest water ever tasted, and it springs from you, through you.... It taste of freedom. Its filtered through hard times, sediment, obstacle's as rough as and as stone-like as rock. Yet like the sweet water we flow over it, past it, finding a way to push on flow towards the vast opportunities life has to offer. This is Ochun, in nature, in essence, in us.

Omi OOOOO Yemaya

So today is Yemayas day in accordance to the Santeria community. A Candle is lit a blessing is said to invoke the beautiful presence and the energy of this matron Orisha/Saint.

To those that practice the beautiful tradition of La Regla Ocha/ Lucumi, or for any of those that have this wonderful Orisha on their head or in their lives this ones for you...

Enjoy this day and every day that you think of Motherhood. In fact Everytime you see a woman, young, elderly, brown, white, small, big, man or woman... think of Yemaya.

All people have the potential to be "mothers" be it by actual birth or the birthing of ideas, thoughts, actions, words, songs, art, magic.

Whenever you think of nurturing something, helping to make anything grow be it a child, a plant, an animal, a dream... think of Yemaya. Think of the swell of pride that comes over you when it has or they have grown, like the swell in a pregnant woman's abdomen, or in the swell of the tide. Think of Yemaya.

For single parents who have had to handle the duality of parental duties. Being both the comforter and the disciplinarian, the provider and at times the acceptee. Think of Yemaya.

Think of what it is like to love the world and all its children so much, just as equally. To claim the worlds inhabitants as your own. To know that some have forgot your presence, your help, or your power. You have reached out to them and yet they have been too caught up to listen. Myriads of children like schools of fish in the sea, some you can help and keep close and others you must watch swim away into a vast ocean of Sharks, Killer Whales, Hungry Seals, and the worst MAN. All with the intent on making prey of your children... All you can do is hope that they know what they got, that they know you are their willing to extend a helping hand, a strong and comforting shoulder, an encouraging embrace, a miracle wrapped within a tender kiss.... This is Yemaya.

Being thankful

I am thankful for God, his silence spoke volumes at a time when I thought my prayers werent being answered.

I am thankful to Goddess, her nurturing and encouraging energy mirrored that of God, showing me that divinity has two faces.

I am thankful to Eggun/Ancestors whose shoulders I stand on. Who paved a way for me to conjure, to work, to live, and to exist. Always on time, ready when I need them.

I am thankful to all those that hurt me in my life thus far. The lessons that came with every heart break and tear shed were invaluable and made me so much stronger than I though I could ever be.

I am thankful for the small handful I can truly call friends and family. Those who have come and gone, those I let go and never stopped loving and those I keep close that I love just as much.

I am thankful to be alive, able to write, think, sing, talk, dance, praise, kiss, love, hug, pet, make love, feel, eat, drink, learn and experience.

Each day brings new disappointments but also new joys. I better understand the ebb and flow, the push and pull, the up and down, the ying and yang. Duality bound by unification in my soul, in others and in all creation.