Chill

Winter moon high in the sky,

yet Darkness binds me

My Soul is worn bleak

Snow capped mountains on the horizon emote the numbness of my head

Slow moving thoughts my movements sluggish and exhausting

Haunting memories like out of tune melodies resound between my ears

Once again closet doors open Skeletons creep, Zombies stumble, and Ghosts materialize

Forced to wield a pensive two edge sword

Against unfamiliar long forgotten experiences, decisions of years past, days of old

DAMN! Why am I so cold?

My windows must be open

Eyes, Windows to the soul letting in the chilling reality

Do I dare look? Do I want to see?

I close them

I consult with my own private genie. My Djinn, my personal bottle that houses spirits

Warm liquid fire I drink of its fount

Fire that burns then warms and yet still numbs

My bones stop their rattle

The Apparitions disappear the closet door appears bolted and unbothered

Courage surges through my veins, I scream

The bellow has reason, has rhyme and reason, words and song

I sing loud, I sing until my chest aches

My eyes squeezed shut small pools develop in the corners

Its sunrise.. I start another day....

Do not have time to think

Don't feel a thing

A n automaton, going through the motions

Another day new sites

The cold still can be sensed looming strong in the peripheral

ever ready to return

Changes and phases

I looked at the full moon the other night. It gleamed in my eye,a chill passed over my body and a recognition ages old came to me. I had no choice but to attribute it to the spirit guides that forever surround me, ancestors and ethereal beings who make themselves known in many ways. I was urged to greet a Gypsy guide I have and to take three sacred tools of hers and placing them in the light of the moon. One a Crystal ball on a three prong pedestal , the other a glass of water with an Blue evil eye ward in it, and a deck of cards wrapped in a moonstone talisman. I asked the moon to illuminate my conscious, I asked her to bless my path and help me develop my intuition. As my intuition is bound with the element of water and the blood that runs through my veins. I ebb, I flow I am one with the natural laws that exist and predate us all.
I had a series of dips in moods, mostly lows but some highs. All week verging on wanting to scream and strangle folks, then wanting to cry and escape into a trance avoiding reality and putting on my Ipod and earphones.
I read a blog by the brilliant and ever so wise Elizabeth Cunningham and I read Maeve's words that say we follow what the moon has been trying to tell us for the longest times, Its all a phase... Isn't it?! Isn't all a balance? Ups and downs, rights and lefts... You cant have it all how you want it or expect it.You kind of let things flow, you take things as they come. Does the tide complain and or fight the pull of the moon? I doubt it, it moves as it should as instinct and nature demands of it and it finds a purpose.
Like Sisyphus you can roll the rock uphill and view it as a curse or you can make peace with it and find a purpose with in it.

Warrior Women

I will keep this short...

Everyday women fight. They fight themselves in trying to love what they see in their mirror. Trying to embrace the plump young breasts or the memory of, as they begin to perhaps sag in some places. Dimples that replace once firm thighs and buttocks.

They fight their fellow women as they have to keep up with some appearances in hopes to be socially accepted. They forever look for the comfort and company of their fellow sistern, looking for some bond that is ageless and seems more of a myth although their intuition tells them otherwise.

They fight their their male counterparts in a world where they are looked on as emotionaly unstable, dramatic, under par, less than... It has been said a man could never handle being a woman for a week let a lone a lifetime. Men couldnt handle the emotional capacity to bare a child and bond with it for 9months having it be OF them.

Women are Strength in the guise of the softest bodies. The external nothing but a husk that hides an undercurrent of resillience, a well of deep intuition and timeless beauty.

Women are warriors all in themselves. Look at the many mothers with single children, look at the women who have to work everyday to make a a quarter to every mans dollar, look at the women who recieve men and women in love in the purest sensual moments, and yet have to be judged by the world.

Women look forward and up, never behind or down. Be regal, accept your queendom.

The Second Coming

Is it possible that maybe the 2nd coming of Jesus is Symbolic and not so literal. Is it possible that perhaps, just PERHAPS we can look into the symbolism of the 2nd coming and see that it is all about ones consciousness. I ask you to open up your mind and allow me to paint a picture based on these passages.

For one God is in us. He made us in his image and there fore we have some godliness in us that we can tap into at any time. He is not so much this great invisible external force but yet this resonating energy inside of us that connects to the very universe and its inhabitants.

The Devil is not some horned, goat cloven hoofed menace, but instead the very essence of our potential humanity gone a rye. He is Impatience, haughtiness, arrogance, envy/jealousy, hatred, fear, anger all unchecked and manifested to the third degree. We are all capable of these things to some degree. His existence is not some coincidence but a polar opposite (as the universe has in many aspects) of what God is. You cant have good without bad, left with out right, dark with out light. There must be a balance to every force.

Trumpets are sounded through out the heavens....

Trumpets have always been used not just as instruments for the melody of beautiful music but to also raise consciousness, awareness and to more importantly warn or draw attention too. It has served as an alarm for waking up troops back in the day as well as to alarm them that war is coming or draw their attention to an approaching army.

So maybe the Heavens is symbolic of this plane of existence/enlightenment/spirituality.... and we all tend to look up to the heavens for meditation or guidance. Whether or not we are atheist or religious, we can see the vastness of the sky, the endless possibilities. Hence the term Sky is the limit.

So the Trumpet sounding is bringing our attention to things about to happen or things that are unfolding before us. In this case in regards to enlightenment/ spirituality.

The few far and in between spoken of as who will rise into heaven.... Even in Revelations which states 'the road leading to everlasting life is short and narrow, but the road leading to destruction is broad and spacious.'

So FEW will attain this level of enlightenment and consciousness. Few will rise above their fellow man and really get the purpose of it all.

There is talk of Nations Rising against nations, people against people, hatred for those who do get admitted into the Kingdom (place of consciousness). People who think outside the man made box. Jesus words of 'The world will hate you for being no part of them, just as I am no part of them.' Or when he said 'to Follow me is to shoulder your own cross/stake' and carry your own burden to persecution. People will not accept through their ears what they cannot accept through their heart.

Don't we see this today people hating others for allowing themselves to be happy? People hating and envying those that have or attain what they themselves do not?

Which brings me to Jesus.... Forget for a moment the Jesus you hear about, or think you know. Forget Jesus the God and or Jesus the man.... Lets instead look at his actions throughout his ministry. Jesus was about LOVE, INCLUSION, and ACCEPTANCE. He dined and ministered to those shunned by almost all of the world or with in the community. Everyone from tax collectors, whores, lepers, Pharisees/sagucees, poor, fisherman, different races considered taboo by his own religion and or cultural laws (Samaritans), and even women and children.

He accepted we are all Gods Creation, he admitted through many of his prayers how God loves his creation even before it is made or comes into existence. He exemplified sacrifice, moderation, humility, love, patience and more importantly humanity. He was tested with hunger, fatigue, and the very devil himself even tried to tempt the very "son of God". He went through everything we ever have to go to and maybe more, and yet still prayed for those who wished him harm or whose intentions were ill.

What if Jesus was about realizing our connectivity? Realizing we are all Gods Creatures, all created by the big supreme universal source? No one above the other, our actions effecting one another? So respect and love is key in recognizing you may not understand the next person or the thing you coincide with, but you have to love each other for the simple fact that you came from the same creator/source?

What if the second coming of Jesus is this recognition? This very line of thinking that dictates how we live life and how we treat everyone and everything around us? When we realize "WOW we are connected, I can't litter the very earth I live on and not take into account that an animal, a person, a plant that shares this very planet with me isn't effected by that."

What if we accept our brothers and sisters who practice other faiths and who adhere to the beliefs of their culture and although our lack of insight into their ways, or ignorance of their practices and traditions we still can love them? We still can be ok with what they do no matter how foreign to us? What if we extended our hand to them in an embrace or even just to help them when they stumble? What if we acted like Jesus?

Wasn't Jesus words "The GREATEST COMMANDMENT is to love thy neighbor as thyself?" What if we actually did that? Wouldn't that allow the God, the Jesus to rise up in us? To in essence come through us?

This is more easier for me to see than an actual Huge airplane sized trumpet appearing out of nowhere and people floating to this place above the clouds, where they leave behind all of the others who didn't believe as them....

My God believes in variety hence why no one flower even of the same kind is the same color or sometimes even the same shape. Why people are of different hews, and birds of different colors who like different food sources. No one is supposed to be the SAME!

So I guess I encourage those who believe in Jesus to allow his actions and ways to work through you. Love the man and woman you walk by or share this world with, no matter if you understand them or not. Embrace them offer them help, love, prayers with out reservation, judgement, or hesitation. Follow in the footsteps left ahead of you.

World versus Spirit

SO today I will point to the Holy Bible. Although written and rewritten so long ago by imperfect human beings who didn't even understand Jesus when he talked to them in the flesh let alone the spirit.... The book still holds some relevance and has some importance in our day to day.

Matthew 24:4 & 5 "LOOK out that nobody misleads you; for many will come on the basis of my name, saying "I am the Christ," and will mislead many.

Matthew 24: 23&24 "Then if anyone says to you, "Look! Here is the Christ," or "There!" do not believe it. For false Christs and false prophets will arise and will give great signs and wonders so as to mislead, if possible even the chosen ones.

Matthew 7: 21- 23 "Not everyone saying to me, "Lord, Lord," will enter into the Kingdoms of the heavens, but the one doing the will of my father whom is in the heavens will. Many will say to me "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and expel demons in your name, and perform many powerful works in your name?" And I will confess to them: I never knew you! get away you workers of Lawlessness.

John 17: 14- 26 (too much to type) But Jesus Stresses that his followers who truly got the message of his work,of Gods work were to be no part of this world, just as he was no part of the world. He Said he as they were are IN this world but have to be no part of it. He stressed that God loves those before they are even created. He stresses the need for his children to be ONE in union with him and his father. he stresses we have all been given the Glory, the Knowledge, the love to do be in union with another.

I think people need to look into why they go to Church. Being no part of the world to me is more of a state of consciousness. We have to transcend our earthly/worldly way of looking at thing, and judging things and simply let spirit, instinct, intuition, God guide us. The Worldly versus the Spirit was always stressed throughout this book with sayings like 'Pay Cesar's things to Cesar and Gods things to God' and "Stop storing up the treasure upon the earth where moth and rust consume, and thieves break in and steal. Rather store up yourselves the treasures in heaven." Its about knowing your wealth in the spirit knowing that you are supplied for, watched out for. You have but to reach inside to find God and these treasures, God is not some huge all consuming External force but rather in us. IN our very being. Reach inside and let God out, let him manifest in your lives. See God the way you need to, not the way someone else wants you to.

I believe the biggest part of Jesus ministry was love. Yet you see people claiming only the love of Jesus, they forgot their fellow man. How can you LOVE Jesus and forget you own brothers and sisters? It goes against Gods will and greatest commandment. The very unity Jesus described above, is what doesn't happen. Its just people getting together under one roof and praising amongst excluding the very people that helped build there church up.

Beware the people who point at you and tell you what God wants for you, what JESUS/God has said as if they know the spoken word more than you do. Your interpretation of THE WORD is just as valid as theirs, we are all one in the spirit. Remember some of the very ones you look up to, who do many beautiful works, and are anointed are the very ones to turn you away from the will and love of God, as Jesus warns in the book of Matthew. Let No One do this, in fact Jesus Says "LOOK... you will know the tree for the fruit it bears." You will see what and who people really are if you look and listen. In Peter they say "the Devil is walking around like a Roaring Lion seeking to divide and destroy. So keep your senses..." That's right all senses. Sight, Smell, Taste, Touch, Hearing. When a Lion roars it roars to scare a herd of prey to scatter them and find the weakest one to go after. Its meant to confuse and disorient its prey. Lets not fall prey.
The Devil is not some sentient being, he is that part of human consciousness we all have that does ugly things. Its in us all, its the bad choices we make although we know we should do the opposite. he is our lack of judgement, our impatience, our judgmental attitude, our discouragement, our ego and arrogance, our hate and fear of things we don't understand. Lets rise above that.

I charge anyone who is or considers them self a "christian" to please take it upon yourself to ask questions, to research and read outside the bible and see that there is more to this book, this way of thinking this life. Get to know you and your culture and see where you place is in the world, find your voice and your spirit. Let it shine and exemplify the beauty of Gods creation. Love yourself no more shame, no more guilt, be you, be encouraged, be loved.

Old skin

I come and I go and I have been adorning a coat sewn with PRIDE, and worn with GRACE. The style is CONFIDENCE, the material is HAPPINESS. Its just a coat, a garment that can be cast aside, and it is.
I enter my home, hung up is my coat and I slip into an old shirt of INADEQUACY, a depressing piece of material. Holey, flawed, dingy with experiences, stained with residual heartache. This shirt is comfortable, its too familiar. I know I should throw it away and probably put on my coat again, but I cant. This old shirt fits me all too well, its like stepping into old worn familiar skin. The shirt and skin Ive known for so long. I got it sometime during childhood. It was washed only in the water of my tears, it bears my scent my essence.
Why is it so hard for me to let this go or take this garment off? Why is it still safely tucked away into my closet or in my drawer? Why does it still have such a place in my life?
Is it because it reminds me of days past? Being a child and not knowing why I was crying? Inconsolable? Happy running and climbing trees with the boys, reading comics just to go home and retreat to the corner of my room or hidden under the covers listening to the sounds of Music the only thing I understood, understand. The only thing that helped sooth me when I felt this way....
Now I am doing the very thing I love and still underneath my Glorious coat I still seem to wear the same old shirt, not yet ready or confident to be truly naked...

Sleep?

You think I sleep? Well that's none way of putting it....
When my eyes shut and my consciousness slips, I am traveling across worlds going on a midnight rendezvous.
You think I wake up with a dry mouth from sleeping with my mouth open, nah.... I have travelled the desserts to find my people. I have found a village of ebony sun kissed people, regal and royal in their different shapes and sizes, wise in their different ages, beautiful in their different but brilliant dark shades. I danced by the bon fires wearing ceremonial masks, I danced ancient dances of my people. Dances which held a purpose, giving up control letting spirit move you, ripple through you like a rock thrown into a pond.
I am singing and calling on the names of several different ancestors and spirits who come to my aid and dance along side me.
You think I am rotating in my bed to get comfortable? Nah.... I am swaying to the rhythm of drums. Rotating, spinning fiercely in a circle, my view caught up in a dizzy haze.... My head is thrown back I am laughing both hands on my hips shoulders moving in time with my hips.
You think I am grumpy because I have restless sleep? Nah, I'm still tired form astral traveling to he land of the ancestors. I'm grumpy because I had to stop my revelries and return to this material place that feels so odd to me, after having been in a place that felt too familiar.

Ye Ye O Oshun

So this day is the day that Orisha and Saint Oshun is revered in worship in some households, exclusively. Yesterday I wrote about Yemaya the sister of Ochun. Yemaya represents toe Ocean, the wide and vast sea. Ochun on the other hand represents Rivers, Streams, Springs, waterfalls and any sweet water that is flowing. I write this for her....

According to Yoruba elders, Oshun is the cosmological force of water, moisture and attraction. Oshun is the force of HARMONY, ecstasy, and love.

When I see a parent hold a child, looking into their eyes and feeling that deep connection and attraction. This is Ochun.

When two lovers in their throws of passion feel this under current of magnetism connecting them in body, as well as in spirit, This is Ochun.

When a delicate seed is attracted to moisture or dew drops and slowly but steadily roots and breaks its husk and reaching for the sun it is so connected too, this is Ochun.

The joyous feeling that comes over us once we have accomplished something so laboring. The laughter of a child, innocent and as light as a bubbling brook, the bees buzzing from flower to flower, the appreciation one feels when the warm Spring break Winters gloom and the scent of fragrant flowers and the joy it brings us. This is Ochun.

After tearful situations, and deep depressions at your lowest point.... When you stop and just breath and listen and you hear in the stillness the sound of something fluid, something moving. You find a well of strength. The sweetest water ever tasted, and it springs from you, through you.... It taste of freedom. Its filtered through hard times, sediment, obstacle's as rough as and as stone-like as rock. Yet like the sweet water we flow over it, past it, finding a way to push on flow towards the vast opportunities life has to offer. This is Ochun, in nature, in essence, in us.

Omi OOOOO Yemaya

So today is Yemayas day in accordance to the Santeria community. A Candle is lit a blessing is said to invoke the beautiful presence and the energy of this matron Orisha/Saint.

To those that practice the beautiful tradition of La Regla Ocha/ Lucumi, or for any of those that have this wonderful Orisha on their head or in their lives this ones for you...

Enjoy this day and every day that you think of Motherhood. In fact Everytime you see a woman, young, elderly, brown, white, small, big, man or woman... think of Yemaya.

All people have the potential to be "mothers" be it by actual birth or the birthing of ideas, thoughts, actions, words, songs, art, magic.

Whenever you think of nurturing something, helping to make anything grow be it a child, a plant, an animal, a dream... think of Yemaya. Think of the swell of pride that comes over you when it has or they have grown, like the swell in a pregnant woman's abdomen, or in the swell of the tide. Think of Yemaya.

For single parents who have had to handle the duality of parental duties. Being both the comforter and the disciplinarian, the provider and at times the acceptee. Think of Yemaya.

Think of what it is like to love the world and all its children so much, just as equally. To claim the worlds inhabitants as your own. To know that some have forgot your presence, your help, or your power. You have reached out to them and yet they have been too caught up to listen. Myriads of children like schools of fish in the sea, some you can help and keep close and others you must watch swim away into a vast ocean of Sharks, Killer Whales, Hungry Seals, and the worst MAN. All with the intent on making prey of your children... All you can do is hope that they know what they got, that they know you are their willing to extend a helping hand, a strong and comforting shoulder, an encouraging embrace, a miracle wrapped within a tender kiss.... This is Yemaya.

Being thankful

I am thankful for God, his silence spoke volumes at a time when I thought my prayers werent being answered.

I am thankful to Goddess, her nurturing and encouraging energy mirrored that of God, showing me that divinity has two faces.

I am thankful to Eggun/Ancestors whose shoulders I stand on. Who paved a way for me to conjure, to work, to live, and to exist. Always on time, ready when I need them.

I am thankful to all those that hurt me in my life thus far. The lessons that came with every heart break and tear shed were invaluable and made me so much stronger than I though I could ever be.

I am thankful for the small handful I can truly call friends and family. Those who have come and gone, those I let go and never stopped loving and those I keep close that I love just as much.

I am thankful to be alive, able to write, think, sing, talk, dance, praise, kiss, love, hug, pet, make love, feel, eat, drink, learn and experience.

Each day brings new disappointments but also new joys. I better understand the ebb and flow, the push and pull, the up and down, the ying and yang. Duality bound by unification in my soul, in others and in all creation.

So I laugh.....

I'm drinking some Sangria and feeling very very nice and I start to think...

My mother is my Cosmic Twin as Tim would call her. Two souls meant to exist at the same time always connected no matter the distance, no matter the circumstance. It makes sense I can feel my mother and she can feel me, and we understand each other. Spiritually insightful and extremely intuitive, a two edged axe who has seen many a battle some lost and most won.

My brothers both two free spirited individuals who never related to me and never tried. We share blood, a bond no one can break and no one can deny. Yet we don't know each other and perhaps never really will. I always whish them the best in their life and their endeavors, no bad blood here.

My Sister, my beautiful and wise sister. She is the one who has lived, she has felt an experienced so much and all to turn the experiences around in order to be wise. For wisdom radiates from her pores as does love, and independance. She travels not knowing where she is going, open to experience and to possibility. Always an inspiration. I often wonder if we were cosmic twins, but I know that we arent. We instead are two sides of the same coin.

My Father the Man all men would hope to be. He raises a bar as far as I'm concerned, and always provides an ultimate example of Patience, Love, Knowledge, Wisdom, Hard Work and Perserverance. Not to mention Faith and Hope, he is a father whose love is felt in his actions. He provides and provides for all he calls children, he never sees differences. His responsibilities were just that, his responsibilties. His thoughts, his thoughts.

Tim a brother indeed, his blood might as well just run through my veins for we share so much. Our bond is other wordly and ancient, two souls meant to meet and to share, to work and ot conjure, to sing and to dance, to shout and to praise. Inspiration and drive is this man's energy and his very spirit is understanding and healing. I simply bask in him every moment I can, learning taking him in.

Kare a Soul mate, a wonderful compliment to myself. A kindred spirit to myself in so many ways, someone who can deal with me in my entirety even when most would run screaming, arms flailing. He is in my mind what Eve was to Adam, a compliment, a completion might as well be of my own rib and bone marrow.

I often wonder if God answered my prayers when I was sent these individuals, its been quite a journey and new adventures are on the horizon.

My ancestors, those who came before me and lived and experienced and broke their individual backs to provide us with some opportunity. The ancestors who have made themselves known to me in so many ways, and in effect have shown me things of old that I would have never knew or experienced had it not be for them. Nostalgia that should be somehow misplaced but feels so current and relevent. I long for old ways, discipline, responsibility, reputation, juke joint, drummings, bon fires and invoking of spirit..... Something I am tapping into just now in my 27 years of life. My soul longs for these things and I travel that path head up and eyes forward.

Neema

Warm and delicate

Soft and plush

Pulsing and vibrating with a readiness to receive

Attention, Love, food, open arms, a warm lap

It matters not your comfortability, for one tiny second in her choosing

the earth spins on her axis and revolves around her orbital direction.

She Lays down comfortably in her chosen spot, paws bent back upon themselves blinks slowly and her lips part as if in a smile, as if to say:

"Do you not realize I am from a line of Gods and Goddesses. I was worshipped in Egypt by many names but one in particular Bastet. Protector of the home and pregnant women, the essence of feminine sexuality and pleasure mixed with the wrath that only a woman can feircely summon and execute. I have hunted lifetimes before you, I have stalked the sky and the plains below. Basking in the Sun of my father Ra, and respected by all. You would do well to receive me as I am meant to be received..."

You have no choice but to laugh at her audacity and simply admire and stroke her. She is Neema whose name means "She who is born of wealthy parents."